sudo life

I have a recurring nightmare where I dream the entire school semester, and then I remember at the end of the semester there was that English class I signed up for and went to the first week, and then forgot all about it and never went again.

I’ve had this dream for *years* – even now, when I’m not even attending school.  Every time, it freaks me out as well.  Sometimes the dream takes place in high school and others in college.  I’m not sure why I have this particular nightmare.  It’s true that while I was going to school, I was known on occasion to completely forget to go to class.  I took a political science class where I skipped an entire month because I didn’t need to go.  Well, and I was working through a horrible break-up with my girlfriend.  Still, that was over six years ago.

I could probably analyze this deeper.  Perhaps it has something to do with a fear of not being good enough, or failing to meet the requirements for something because I was goofing off.  Or something.  I don’t know.

I just hate these dreams.

Personal dreams, musings

This past year has been a ride to say the least. I think I’ve finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I entered the year not knowing what would happen, looking for places to possibly study particle physics or cosmology. Somewhere along the line, I ran across a neuroscience presentation, and now I’m hooked. I’m going to study brains. It’s a little late to enter the game, but I catch on fast.

I purchased a nice chemistry set back in September, and bought a microscope last week. Those two things alone have greatly increased my understanding not only of chemistry and biology, but the process of science itself. It’s one thing to read about it. It’s another to actually do it. I’ve learned more trying to synthesize and purify sodium acetate than I have reading multiple chemistry books. Reading about microbes is one thing, but obtaining and studying them hands-on really brings things out. Sure, you can look at a slide in a book, but doing things for yourself puts things into perspective.

I received my first degree, Bachelor of Arts in Music. I’m glad it’s over with. This has been a valuable learning experience, if for nothing more than to figure out how not study and learn in a college environment. I’ve spent my time very inefficiently.

It’s exactly 5 years since I’ve had a date. That’s a hell of a long time, and it’s starting to wear on me. Never-the-less, being single is something I’m embracing.

I’m financially stable, and making more money than I’m spending. I’m reducing my debt. It’s going to be hard to give that up in order to go back to school, but I think I’ll manage.

Most importantly, I’ve continued to learn. I’ve studied molecular biology, chemistry, physics, differential equations, strategy, new programming techniques, brains and intelligence, animal behavior, Euler’s Formula, psychology (especially obsessive-compulsive behavior), and a whole lot of set theory and logic.

Overall, this has been an above average year for me, but that’s not to say that I don’t have a lot of work to do. I’m working on figuring out exactly what my goals should be in the coming months and years. My gut tells me to be very optimistic.

Personal musings