Tough Decisions
It seems that I’m faced with the toughest decision I’ve had to make yet in my life. Not even my decision to drop out was this big. Here’s what I’m facing. Do I stay in Kansas City, or do I attempt to purchase a home in Lebanon?
Personally, I like the Lebanon idea, but there are some problems. First of all, I don’t know anyone in Lebanon anymore, but it’s a semi quiet town that I could settle down into for a little while.
The problem is that I’ll be leaving Kansas City behind. Though I only have one friend that I really hang out with here, I can’t help but feel more than a little sad and anxious about this decision. I haven’t even been hanging out with her very much, but she’s a busy person, so I understand.
I’m getting frustrated with the way things are going. There are so many things about so called ‘normal’ life that I just don’t understand, or even know about. All I can really do is live my life as I can and hope for the best. I see myself living alone in ten years, not really knowing anyone, and I don’t like that idea, but what can I do about it? People either don’t like me right off the bat, for some unknown reason, or they treat me nicely, but have no desire to really become friends.
Lebanon might provide at least a little peace of mind. Then again, it might be a terrible mistake. If I did move there, I would be committing myself to living there for at least five years. I can handle that, I think.
In the end, I know what I want, but I don’t know how to get there. I guess I just keep hacking away at my life and hope for progress.
Once again, the older I get, the more Hermit like I become. What does this mean?
